Archive for July, 2009

21
Jul
09

I Reject Your reality and Insert My Own!

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, ‘NO, it’s not.’

Four is larger than two..’
We haven’t used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’
I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, ‘We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.’

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’

To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’

He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.

She was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing.’

Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’

Not another word was spoken.

We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING :
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’

His reply, ‘I know. I already got that side.’

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us…
And they VOTE and they REPRODUCE!!

13
Jul
09

My wife works for a professional out placement company. Now for those of you that don’t know or are not familiar with that industry, let me explain.
When a company downsizes, RIF, lays off or any other term for “YOU DON’T HAVE A JOB.’ they can pay a fee for you to go to this kind of company to learn how to get another job.

So as you learn the techniques of  “job searching” all of the Human Resource verbiage can really get confusing. I have tried to reduce the confusion by translating some popular phrases.  I hope this helps.

When they say:
“COMPETITIVE SALARY”
What they mean is:
We remain competitive by competing with you during your salary negotiation

When they say:
“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM”
What they mean is:
We have no time to train you.

When they say:
“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
What they mean is:
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“When they say:
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED”
What they mean is:
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

When they say:
“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”
What they mean is:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

When they say:
“DUTIES WILL VARY”
What they mean is:
Anyone in the building can boss you around.

When they say:
“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
What they mean is:
We have no quality control.

When they say:
“CAREER-MINDED”
What they mean is:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

When they say:
“APPLY IN PERSON”
What they mean is:
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

When they say:
“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”
What they mean is:
We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

When they say:
“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
What they mean is:
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

When they say:
“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
What they mean is:
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

When they say:
“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
What they mean is:
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

When they say:
“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”

What they mean is;
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Translating Employee’s Lingo . . .
When you say:
“I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION”
What you mean is:
I’ve used Microsoft Office.

When you say:
“I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE”
What you mean is:
I almost never come in late or leave early and steal only pens.

When you say:
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES”
What you mean is:
I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

When you say:
“I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK”
What you mean is:
I blame others for my mistakes.

When you say:
“I’M PERSONABLE”
What you mean is:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

When you say:
“I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL”
What you mean is:
I carry a PDA and can work most apps..

When you say:
“I AM ADAPTABLE”
What you mean is:
I’ve changed jobs a lot.

When you say:
“I AM ON THE GO”
What you mean is:
I’m never at my desk.

When you say:
“I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED”
What you mean is:
The minute I find a better job, I’m outta here.

PLEASE ADD MORE IN YOUR COMMENTS…Thanks

11
Jul
09

My Uncle Can’t Pay His Bills.

As per the government records, the U.S National debt has inflated enormously.

The current national debt of U.S stands at a hefty amount of over $11 trillion as in March, 2009.

The current national debt of U.S has shown a massive increase in the past years.

Erupting out of the Civil War, the U.S national debt has withstood the ravages of time and still continues to grow.

Having seen no prospects of control, our national debt blossomed and bloomed to a catastrophe, just pending to explode.

Owing to past experiences, the current national debt of U.S is destined to leap further and greater into time.

Sadly, the government is doing very little to curb this grave danger that is hovering above us.

Instead, it is running the country in to greater arrears by its reckless spending and borrowing habits.

The national debt of the country as in 1791 was just $75 million, today, the current national debt of U.S rises by that sum almost every hour.

The national debt of the U.S has grown alarmingly. While its national debt stood at just $75 million in the year 1791, the amount of the national debt today rises by that same amount almost every hour.

Now, it stands at an outstanding amount of $11 trillion. The slip-up of the country’s government and authority lies in the fact that it spent more than it earned, thereby resorting to borrowing from the external and internal sources.

The government of the U.S, over the years, spent a lot of money on war and military expenses. Not to forget, the reason why the debt started is also because of the Civil War. War has brought us down and is continuously pulling us down the gutter.

The national debt in the U.S must be checked. Its growth is under constant scrutiny and something must be done about its intensification.
RED INK TO SOAK THE COUNTRY

The country has been predicted to fall into deeper waters with regards to its national debt. Following President Obama’s proposal to cut down taxes for the middle classes, revamp health care and increase opportunities for students who want to get into college, it is expected to hike up the borrowing amount.

The new policies would bring about a further increase in government spending. Also, if the taxes are reduced, the nation would be forced to borrow more money. Consequently, the economy would fall even more. There is every reason to worry about this mounting difficulty.

The matter is serious and demands immediate response. It threatens the financial stability of the entire country.
CURRENT NATIONAL DEBT CAN BE PAID OFF BUT THE TREND IS THE PROBLEM

When it comes to the outstanding payment that stands as the national debt of the U.S, the government can repay the amount gradually. The national debt has not yet crossed the 75% mark of the GDP.

For a country as big and as productive as the U.S, there seems to be no big obstruction for the country to disburse its debt. However, the amount of the debt is not what is worrying the masses today.

The problem lies in the trend which seems to be incessantly growing. The national debt of the U.S must be checked and observed with careful and steady steps to demolish it.

02
Jul
09

Hear Me Now…Listen To Me Later!

Sometimes we look at others to help mold our past, present and future. Our past by rewriting past experiences to embolden old events, our present to motivate our mind, body and character…and the future of what and who we hope to become. Below are some of my favorite.

1. “Well done is better than well said.”
Benjamin Franklin
(1706-1790)

2. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put its pants on.”
Winston Churchill
(1874-1965)

3. “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
Mother Teresa
(1910-1997)

4. “Liberty, when it begins to take root, is a plant of rapid growth.”
George Washington
(1732-1799)

5. “The time is always right to do what is right.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
(1929-1968)

6. “All the adversity I’ve had in my life, has strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”
Walt Disney
(1901-1966)

7. “Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today.”
Abraham Lincoln
(1809-1865)

8. “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.”
Vince Lombardi
(1913-1970)

9. “It is better to light the candle than to curse the darkness.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
(1884-1962)

10. “A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.”
Dwight Eisenhower
(1890-1969)

11. “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
Nelson Mandela
(1918 – )

12. “We must become the change we wish to see in the world.”
Mahatma Gandhi
(1869-1948)

13. “The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen, not touched, but are felt in the heart.”
Helen Keller
(1880-1968)

14. “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”
Henry Ford
(1863-1947)

15. “Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music.”
Ronald Reagan
(1911-2004)